Notes of Influence (2)

Obligation - reciprocity
-“Nothing is more costly than sth given free of charge.”
- When a $20 check was send along with the questionnaire, 78% of physicians filled it out and send it back. When the $20 check was promised to arrive after the questionnaire was completes and sent in, only 66% followed through. Of the physicians who receiving the $20 check who did fill out the questionnaire, 95% cashed the check.

Applying the law
- Create a need/ obligation in the mind of other person.
Create a greater sense of obligation: service of some sort, information / concessions, secrets, favors, gestures, compliments, smiles, gifts, invitations, attention, time.
- “When pre-giving is perceived as a bribe/pressure tactic, it actually decreases compliance” Perceived as an unselfish act.
- “You know, I got to thinking about what you said, and you’re really right.”
- Offering the gift before and not during negotiation is of prime importance, or your token will come across as bribery.
- Whether your recipient likes or wants your gift or not, the psychological need to reciprocate will take root, increasing the likelihood that your request will be met affirematively.
The secret of secrets
- When you share sth personal/private with another person, you creat an instant bond & sense of obligation and trust with them. “Off the record, I think you should know…”, “I shouldn’t be telling you this, but…”
- Be extra careful not to plead and beg for your prospects to open up. Let them know you truly care & have a desire to know out of genuine concern, not curiosity, Pleading quickly becomes a red flag that shows your prospects you just want to know the juicy details rather than having any real desire to help them.

Connectivity – contagious cooperation
Attraction, similarity, people skills, rapport.
- Attitude of sincerity
Attraction: The halo effect
- ppl auto-ly associate traits of kindness, trust and intelligence with ppl who are attractive.
- If your audience likes you, they will forgive you for your “wrongs” and remember your “rights”
- Studies show that ppl who are physically attractive are better able to persuade others.
- A defendanr who was better looking than his victim was assessed an average fine of $5623, but when the victim was the more attractive of the 2, the average compensation was twice that much. Both female/male jurors showed the same bias.
- Men who saw a new car ad that included a seductive female model rated the car as faster, more appealing, more expensive looking and better desined than did men who viewed the same ad without the model.

Similarity
- Familiar
- We like people who are similar to us.
- “People buy from people they like.”
- “Cliques were typically centered on commonalities of race, geographical origin, and the types of crime committed.
- Thinking style, moral views, background, appearance.
- First impressions are made within only 4 mins of initial interaction with a stranger.”

Goodwill
- “We consider as friends those who wish good things for us and who are pained when bad things happen to us.”
- Caring&kindness: being sensitive and thoughtful.
- Acting with consideration, politeness, civility and genuine concern for those around us. Foundation for all interactions and creates a mood og reciprocity.
- X harsh/forceful when other person is sensitive or vulnerable.

Bonding
- Immediate bond with ppl is by using and remembering their names.

Humor
- Gain you attention, help you create rapport, make your message more memorable, relieve tension, enhance relationships, motivate ppl, soften up or disarm listeners.
- If you are generally not good at telling jokes, don’t attempt it when you are in a persuade situation. Non-funny humor is not only ineffective but irritating.

Smile
- generate a great first impression, shows happiness, acceptance, confidence
- in turns becomes more interested in meeting you.

Respect
- In order for yr audience to take your msg, they have to have some lv of resp[ect for you. The more they respect you, the more successful you’ll be.
- Show gratitude: be thankful for what others do for you.
- Never criticize others or talk abt your problems.
- How others feel about you is often influenced by how you make them feel abt themselves.

Rapport
- Tangible and harmonious
- Being on the same wavelength with the other ppl.
- Rapport can exist between 2 ppl who share very few similarities.
Body language
- Facial expressions, body movement, vocal cues, proxemics
Eyes:
- “The eyes of men converse as much as their tongues”
- “The eyes are the windows to the soul.”
- Gauge the truthfulness, intelligence, attitude, feelings
- When a person is aroused, interested, and receptive, the pupil dilate.: to allow the entry of more light/ more info.
- We often distrust a person wearing sunglasses: use of sunglasses is a direct attempt to hide the eyes in fear that they will reveal the truth.
- Making eye contact: convey love/ passion

- Leaning close: interest & comfort
- Leaning away: discomfort with the facts/person
- Nodding: interest, agreement and understanding
- Relexed posture: openness to communicate
- Hand to cheek: evaluating or considerating
- Sitting with hands clasped behind head: arrogance or superiority
- Tapping/drumming fingers: impatience/annoyance
- Steepling finger: closing off/ creating barrier
- Fidgeting: boredom, nervousness or impatience
- Clutching objects tightly: anxiety/ nervous anticipation
- Chin stroke: deep thinking/ intently listening
Touch
- Be aware and careful of a small % of the population who dislikes being touched in any way.
- Safe area: shoulders, forearms, hands, sometimes the upper back.

Mirroring and matching
- Mirror/ reflect their actions, not to imitate them.: see you as phony and no longer trust you.
- Just mirror/ match the overall tone & demeanor of your prospect. Safely mirror their language, posture, gestures and mood.
Mirroring Language:
- effectiveness of using vocabulary/lingo similar to your prospect.
- Pick up on and use some of the words or phrases that your prospect uses.
- Mirror rate of speech
Matching breathing
- Match the breathing pattern
- Observe the rise / fall of chest/shoulders (use peripheral vision)
Matching voice
- Actual tone
- Minor ad subtle adjustments in tone.
Mirroring mood
Matching energy level
Breaking the mirror
- Create anciety/uneasiness in a witness, create distance
- Breaks the synchronization that makes everyone feel calm and comfortable

Social Validation: Social pressure
- Make fewer mistakes when we follow the social norm
- We go against our better judgment becoz we want to be liked, accepted and found in agreement with everyone else.
- When we are part of a crowd, we no longer feel individually responsible for our emotions or actions.
- In churches, the moral code determines the standard behavior acceptable for the groups. In organizations, the bylaws and years of tradition establish a standard operating procedure. We want to fit into these groups and maintain our membership with them, we conform our actions to the norm.
- When we find ourselves in a foreign situation where we feel awkward or unsure of how to act, we look for those social cues that will dictate our behavior.
Professional audience members
- “gang syndrome”
- “canned laughter”

Darkside of social Validation
- When we find ourselves in groups, there is a diffusion of responsibility
- When there are large no. of ppl involved, we tend to assume someone else will respond and take action first, or we might conclude that our help is not really needed.
- “bystander apathy”
- “de-indivduation”: become less self-aware and less concerned with how others will evaluate us. Feel more anonymous and less individually responsible for our actions
- “De-individuation” leads to antisocial behavior.
- Social validation: conformity/groupthink
- Susceptibility to peer pressure and the opinions of others in the group.
- The more respect we feel for the group, the more their opinions with those of the group, the more their opinions matter to us, and therefore the more we feel pressured to align our own opinions with those of the group. Even when we don’t really agree with the group, we will often go along with the group in order to be rewarded instead of punished or liked instead of scorned.
- Conforming because: you believe everyone else is correct, you fear the social rejection of not going along, it’s norm, cultural influences.

1. The larger the group, the better.
The larger the group, the more ppl will conform
2. The greater the familiarity, the better.
The more a person can identify with the group, the more that person will be influenced to change their behavior and opinions.
3. The clearer the principle of social validation, the better.

Scarcity
- Without a sense of urgency, desire loses its value.
- Bidding
- Potatoes
- We don’t want to miss out on anything we could have had.
- Physical products, time, information, price, knowledge.
Threat of potential loss
- Reactance causes us to be emotional, single minded or irrational.
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